Relapse rates for addiction resemble those of other chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and asthma.

Unfortunately, when relapse occurs many consider treatment a failure. This is not the case: successful treatment for addiction typically requires continual evaluation and modification, similar to the approach taken for other chronic diseases. For example, when a patient is receiving active treatment for hypertension and symptoms decrease, treatment is deemed successful, even though symptoms may recur when treatment is discontinued. For individuals suffering from addiction, relapses don’t indicate failure.  Rather, they indicate that treatment needs to be reinstated or adjusted, or that alternate treatment is needed.

THERE ARE TWO STAGES OF WITHDRAWAL:

1. The first stage is the acute stage, which lasts from three days up to three weeks, depending on the type of addiction. During this stage, there are usually physical withdrawal symptoms. But every drug is different, and every person is different.
2. The second stage of withdrawal is called Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). During this stage there are often fewer physical symptoms, but increased emotional and psychological withdrawal symptoms.  Post-acute withdrawal occurs because the brain’s chemistry is gradually returning to normal. As the brain improves, the levels of brain chemicals fluctuate as they approach the new equilibrium, and this causes post-acute withdrawal symptoms.

PAWS symptoms, including irritability, difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, anxiety, mood swings, and fatigue, tend to occur around 30 and 60 days of sobriety, often the time when people are leaving treatment.  This is why it’s crucial, whenever possible, to stay in treatment at least 90 days.

• An estimated 19.9 million Americans are current illicit drug users (SAMHSA).
• An estimated 8.4 percent of those employed full-time are current illicit drug users.
• 8.8 percent of full-time workers report heavy alcohol use (SAMHSA).
• Alcohol is the most widely abused drug among working adults, and 79.4 percent of binge drinkers are employed (SAMHSA).
• An estimated 3.1 percent of employed adults use illicit drugs before reporting to work or during work hours (Department of Labor).
• An estimated 7.1 percent of employed adults drink alcohol during the workday, and 1.8 percent of employed adults consume alcohol before coming to work (Department of Labor).
• Healthcare costs for employees with alcohol problems are twice as high as those for other employees.

Compared to their non-abusing coworkers, employed substance abusers are

• 3 times more likely to be late for work
• 3 times more likely to have absences of 8 days or more
• 3.5 times more likely to be in involved in a workplace accident (SAMHSA)
• 5 times more likely to file a worker’s compensation claim (SAMHSA)
• More than twice as likely to have changed employers 3X or more in past year

* By occupation, the highest rates of illicit drug use and heavy drinking were reported by food preparation workers, waiters, waitresses and bartenders (16.9 percent) and construction workers (13.7 percent) (SAMHSA).

* Alcoholism is estimated to cause 500 million lost workdays annually (SAMHSA).

Lost work productivity alone accounts for nearly $129 billion of the total economic cost of substance abuse.

NIDA is a Federal scientific research institute under the National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. NIDA is the largest unbiased supporter of the world’s research on drug abuse and addiction.

Principle #1:
What the research says: No single treatment is appropriate for all individuals. Matching treatment settings, interventions, and services to each individual’s particular problems and needs is critical to his or her ultimate success in returning to productive functioning in the family, workplace, and society.

What New Bridge Foundation does: We first complete a thorough assessment of each prospective client incorporating not only their drug/alcohol history, but also asking questions related to work, relationships, education, physical and mental health, strengths and limitations. We then create an individualized treatment plan for every client. Different groups or services are offered depending on a person’s specific needs including dual diagnosis group, gender group, anger management, yoga, or meeting with the psychiatrist.

Principle #2:
What the research says: Effective treatment attends to multiple needs of the individual, not just his or her drug use. To be effective, treatment must address the individual’s drug use and any associated medical, psychological, social, vocational, and legal problems.

What New Bridge Foundation does: We offer a holistic approach to treatment. We identify drug and alcohol issues, and other needs including physical health, psychological, and spiritual. Before discharge, we help individuals identify appropriate physician referrals, safe and sober housing, and job changes, if needed. Additionally, we utilize alternative methods including yoga, acupuncture and biofeedback. It is our goal that our clients be sober when they leave, and clear on their immediate life goals in multiple areas including their health, relationships, work life, and spiritually.

Principle #3:
What the research says: An individual’s treatment plan must be assessed continually and modified as necessary to ensure that the plan meets the person’s changing needs. A client may require varying combinations of services and treatment components during the course of treatment and recovery. In addition to counseling or psychotherapy, an individual may require medication, other medical services, family therapy, parenting instruction, vocational rehabilitation, and social and legal services. It is critical that the treatment approach be appropriate to the individual’s age, gender, ethnicity, and culture.

What New Bridge Foundation does: On the day of admission a treatment plan is created with the Admissions Counselor and the individual seeking treatment. This plan outlines goals while in treatment and the action plans for achieving these goals. During treatment, each person is assigned an individual counselor who works with each client to successfully achieve their goals. As needs change over the course of treatment, so does the treatment plan. Treatment plans cover a broad range of issues including recovery and relapse prevention, employment, social life, relationships, spirituality, physical and mental health, and each person’s living situation.

Principle #4
What the research says: Remaining in treatment for an adequate period of time is critical for treatment effectiveness. The appropriate duration for an individual depends on his or her problems and needs. People often leave treatment prematurely and relapse. Staying in treatment is essential.

What New Bridge Foundation does: At New Bridge Foundation there is no “cookie cutter” or “one size fits all” approach. There is no predetermined length of stay because every client is different. With this in mind, New Bridge Foundation has a full continuum of care. We have sub acute detox and residential treatment to create initial stabilization which includes regular sleeping and eating patterns, reduction of cravings, clearer thinking, and general increased well-being. We also offer outpatient levels, including Day Treatment and Intensive Outpatient, so that individuals can transition back to the “real” world, while still maintaining a high level of support.

Helping clients understand the value of treatment and assisting them in staying in treatment until they are stabilized, is one of our primary goals. All clients who complete treatment at New Bridge Foundation are eligible for our free Aftercare Program.

Principle #5What the research says: Counseling (individual and group) and other behavioral therapies are critical components of effective treatment for addiction. Counseling also facilitates interpersonal relationships and the individual’s ability to function in the family and community.

What New Bridge Foundation does: Each client is assigned an individual counselor who oversees their treatment. In individual and group therapy clients address issues of motivation, build skills to prevent relapse, and use cognitive behavioral therapy to replace drug using activities and thinking patterns with healthy and constructive behaviors.

New Bridge Foundation’s treatment programs are based on these proven methods. With over 40 years of experience, we are a leading provider of drug and alcohol treatment with thousands of graduates and family members leading happy, productive, and sober lives. Call today for a free, confidential assessment at 800-785-2400 or 510-548-7270.

The preceding was adapted from Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research Based Guide, NIDA in 2006.

Watching someone you love in the throes of addiction can be devastating. The fact that you are reading this means that you care enough about the person to go out of your way to help. As a family member or close friend we know that you have come to New Bridge Foundation to find the best treatment program for your loved one. We also know that if you have been close to someone who is addicted, you have been affected. That’s why our treatment programs address family issues and concerns.

The research shows clearly that when family is involved in the treatment process, rates of success increase. At New Bridge Foundation, we base our treatment on these proven prinicples, so family services are included in all of our programs. Our family program has varied components including individual family sessions, comprehensive family education, and multi-family support groups. For families who live outside the Bay Area, we offer family sessions via phone.

As one of the leading providers in drug and alcohol treatment, we have gathered a wealth of knowledge and information. In our Resources section you will find articles and readings to help you better understand the cycle of addiction. If you need more information, we are here to help you. Call one of our Admissions Counselors at 800-785-2400 or 510-548-7270, in deciding what’s best for you and your family.

Addiction is defined as a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive alcohol or other drug use, despite harmful consequences. It is considered a brain disease because alcohol and other drugs change the brain – they change its structure and how it works.

2. Is continued alcohol and/or other drug abuse a voluntary behavior?

The initial decision to take a drink or drugs is mostly voluntary. However, when addiction takes over, a person’s ability to exert self control can become seriously impaired. Brain imaging studies from alcohol and other drug-addicted individuals show physical changes in areas of the brain that are critical to judgment, decision-making, learning and memory, and behavior control. Scientists believe that these changes alter the way the brain works, and may help explain the compulsive and destructive behaviors of addiction.

3. Why do some people become addicted to alcohol or other drugs, while others do not?

As with any other disease, vulnerability to addiction differs from person to person. In general, the more risk factors an individual has, the greater the chance that drinking or taking drugs will lead to abuse and addiction.

4. What factors determine if a person will become addicted?

No single factor determines whether a person will become addicted to drugs. The overall risk for addiction is impacted by the biological makeup of the individual – it can even be influenced by gender or ethnicity, his or her developmental stage, and the surrounding social environment.

5.  Why treatment? Why can’t drug addicts quit on their own?

Nearly all addicted individuals believe in the beginning that they can stop using drugs on their own, and most try to stop without treatment. However, most of these attempts result in failure to achieve long-term abstinence. Research has shown that long-term drug use results in significant changes in brain function that persist long after the individual stops using drugs. These drug-induced changes in brain function may have many behavioral consequences, including the compulsion to use drugs despite adverse results.

Treatment, particularly inpatient treatment greatly increases the chances of an alcoholic or addict achieving long term sobriety. Studies show that very few quit successfully on their own; most need help and support.

Long-term drug use results in significant changes in brain function that persist long after the individual stops using drugs.

Understanding that addiction has such an important biological component may help explain an individual’s difficulty in achieving and maintaining abstinence without treatment. Psychological stress from work, family problems, or the environment can make relapse more likely. However, research studies indicate that even the most severely addicted individuals can participate actively in treatment.

6. How effective is drug and alcohol addiction treatment?
 
In addition to stopping drug use, the goal of treatment is to return the individual to productive functioning in the family, workplace, and community. Measures of effectiveness typically include levels of family functioning, employability, criminal behavior and medical condition. Overall, treatment of addiction is as successful as treatment of other chronic diseases, such as diabetes, hypertension, and asthma.

Treatment of addiction is as successful as treatment of other chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and asthma. 

7. How long does drug addiction treatment usually last?

Individuals progress through drug addiction treatment at various speeds, so there is no predetermined length of treatment. However, research has shown unequivocally that good outcomes are contingent on adequate lengths of treatment.

Good outcomes are contingent on adequate lengths of treatment.

8. Where Do 12-Step or Self-Help Programs Fit Into Drug Addiction Treatment?

Self-help groups can complement and extend the effects of professional treatment. The most prominent self-help groups are those affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), and Cocaine Anonymous (CA), all of which are based on the 12-step model, and Smart Recovery®. Most drug addiction treatment programs encourage patients to participate in a self-help group during and after formal treatment.

9. How can families and friends make a difference in the life of someone needing treatment?

Family and friends can play critical roles in motivating individuals with drug problems to enter and stay in treatment. Involvement of a family member in an individual’s treatment program can strengthen and extend the benefits of the program.

*This information in part was adapted from information researched by the National Institute on Drugs Abuse. You can access more information on their site at www.nida.nih.gov.

So, how do you choose? The good news is that the research has already been done, and effective drug and alcohol treatment standards have been established by the National Institute on Drug Abuse. New Bridge Foundation’s treatment programs are based on these proven methods. With over 40 years of experience, we are a leading provider of drug and alcohol treatment. Our graduates report lives free of addiction, filled with meaningful relationships and more satisfying careers. We are looking forward to helping you create a sober, happy life.

For a free confidential assessment, call our Admissions office at 800-785-2400 or 510-548-7270.

Watching someone you love in the throes of an addiction can be devastating. The fact that you are reading this means that you care enough about the person to go out of your way to help. That may make the difference between life and death for your loved one.

Any addiction is dysfunctional and disruptive not only in the addict’s life but to anyone connected to this person.

For families of addicts, feelings of fear, shame, anger, guilt, frustration and confusion over a loved one’s addiction can cause deep anxiety, sleepless nights, and even physical illness. The emotional distress family members suffer is often compounded by the belief that they somehow caused or contributed to their loved one’s addiction or that they could have done something to prevent it. No doubt you have also felt love for the addict.

Living With an Alcoholic/Drug Addict Often Results in Co-dependent Behavior

Often times, the presence of an addiction is mistakenly viewed as a problem of the identified individual alone and not as a family disorder. Family members, just like the addict, experience pain and dysfunction as a result of the addiction. That’s called codependency.

Family members of addicts are often viewed as codependents. “Co” from Webster’s dictionary means “together, with, or joint.” Dependent is defined as “influenced, controlled, or determined by something else. (the addiction)” A codependent is someone whose life is intertwined with the addicted person. Unknowingly their attitudes and actions enable the addict to continue their behavior. By enabling the addict, a dysfunctional pattern of interaction within the family contributes to the dysfunction in one’s own life.

Codependents often feel that if they can only control the disease, everything will turn out OK. Codependents usually start off trying to help the addict by giving support and trying to reward the desired behaviors. When encouragement and reward do not work, the codependent changes strategies and delivers subtle threats. These threats quickly escalate, culminating in the ultimate threat of all, leaving the relationship. This threat is usually withdrawn, leaving the codependent feeling helpless and guilty. The investment in controlling the disease is so great because they not only want to save their loved one but also their self esteem is at risk.

Recovery Begins With an Honest Self-Diagnosis

We have found that there are basically two general categories of destructive patterns of behavior; compliance-pleasing others, and control-manipulating others. The following is a checklist of characteristics, behaviors, and attitudes. In responding; it may be helpful to use the notations: “Always,” “Usually,” “Sometimes,” “Never.”

From the Co-Dependents Anonymous brochure, “What is Co Dependency”

1. I must be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.
2. I value others approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own.
3. I agree with others so they will like me.
4. I focus my attention on protecting others.
5. I believe that most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
6. I keep a score of “good deeds and favors,” becoming very hurt when they are not repaid.
7. I am very skilled at guessing how other people are feeling.
8. I can anticipate others needs and desires, meeting them before they are asked to be met.
9. I become resentful when others will don’t let me help them.
10. I am calm and efficient in other people’s crisis situations.
11. I am helping others.
12. I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
13. I put aside my own interests and concerns in order to do what others want.
14. I am ill, and then reluctantly.
15. I cannot tolerate seeing others in pain.
16. I care about.
17. I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
18. I attempt to convince others of how they “truly” think and “should” feel.
19. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
20. I assume responsibility for others feelings and behaviors.
21. I feel guilty about others feelings and behaviors.
22. I am feeling.
23. I have difficulty expressing feelings.
24. I am afraid of my anger, yet sometimes erupt in a rage.
25. I worry how others may respond to my feelings, opinions and behavior.
26. I have difficulty making decisions.
27. I am afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.
28. I truly feel.
29. I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
30. I am afraid to express differing opinions or feelings.
31. I value others opinions and feelings more than my own.
32. I put other people’s needs and desires before mine.
33. I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
34. I think, say, or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
35. I am perfectionistic.
36. I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
37. I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
38. I do not perceive myself as a lovable and worthwhile person.
39. I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others anger.

Common Roles Played in a Substance Abuse Family

Family members often take on certain roles within the family system. These roles are not set in stone and family members often take on different roles at different times in their life. Some of the most common roles are:

Enabler: The enabler is usually the individual emotionally closest to the addict. They watch over, protect and hide things to “help” the addict.

Hero: Usually the oldest child in the family takes on, or is given, the role of the hero. They are often perceived as being helpful within the family. Getting attention early in their life gives them a partial sense of worth and they often continuously strive to achieve approval and recognition. The hero is often the beacon of the family and represents for the family what is right with the family. Underneath the successful and confident exterior lies a sense of inadequacy and guilt. Part of these feelings are a result of the hero’s inability to fix the family and the addict.

Scapegoat: The scapegoat is often the second child in the family. Since much of the family attention has been directed to the hero, the scapegoat gains attention by acting out and getting in trouble. Since they perceive they can never get the praise the hero receives, negative attention is better than receiving no attention at all.

Lost Child: The lost child is usually the middle child in the family. By the time the lost child enters the family, the family members are too preoccupied with their own behaviors and roles to allow for quality time. The lost child is often shy, introverted and withdrawn. Since they never had the opportunity to learn to socialize within the family, they find making friends difficult. To cope, the lost child turns inward and develops a fantasy life. The lost child is particularly vulnerable to the development of an addiction as they often use alcohol or drugs to comfort themselves.

Mascot: The mascot is usually the last one born into the family. The way they receive attention is to be funny, cute, and entertaining. When there is pain in the family they divert attention through making light of the situation. The mascot finds difficulty with growing up because they have been rewarded for their childlike behavior. Since they have not been taken seriously in the family they often grow up feeling unimportant and inadequate.

Coping with an Alcoholic or Drug Addict

Often times, family member or friends plagued by addiction don’t know what to do. Do you remain silent and stay with them or confront them and leave? Should you use tough love or tread gently?

If there is someone in your life that is having problems with drugs or alcohol remember that you didn’t cause the addiction, nor can you cure it, but you can contribute to the recovery of a loved one. You cannot change their behavior, only your own. Below are some tips.

• Don’t regard Alcoholism/Chemical Dependency as a family DISGRACE.
  Recovery from this disease can and does happen.
• Don’t nag, preach, or lecture.
  Chances are they have already told themselves everything you can tell them. They will take just so much and shut out the rest. You may only increase their need to lie or force them to make promises they cannot possibly keep.
• Guard against the “holier than thou” or martyr-like attitudes.
  It is possible to create this impression without saying a word. Begin to look at your own attitudes and behaviors.
• Don’t use the “if you loved me” appeal.
  Since the drinking/using is compulsive and cannot be controlled by willpower, this approach cannot work. It’s like saying, “If you loved me, you would not have sugar Diabetes.”
• Don’t do for the alcoholic/chemically dependent persons what they can do for themselves… or that which must be done by themselves.
  You cannot take their medicine for them. Don’t remove the problem before they can face it, solve it, or suffer the consequences.
• Begin to understand and live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
• Begin to learn the facts about this disease and the role that you have in it.
• Be willing to assume responsibility for your own life completely and abandon any attempt to change him/her – even for their own good.
  Stop trying to manage their lives and begin to manage your own.
• Begin to learn the 12 Steps as taught by Al-Anon and apply them to your life on a daily basis as a recovery program.
  Start with Step 1, admitting powerlessness over another person and recognizing unmanageability in your own life.
• Be willing to recognize that your former methods have not worked.
• Hold On.
  Change is never easy. The addict will probably accuse you of abandoning them, put guilt trips on you, or even threaten you. You must realize that this is because the addict does not want the current situation to change, no matter what they say. They need your help to continue the way they have been living, and losing you means they may have to face up to their problems they have been avoiding with their substance of choice. You are not responsible for them, their choices, or their actions, only your own.
• Take care of yourself.
  Remember that you choose how to live your life, and you make choices of how you react to what happens to you. It’s not your fault that someone else has an addiction. But you don‘t have to allow that person to negative impact your life because of their actions.

You Are Not Alone

Go to a 12 step meeting. Everyone there has been through the same thing you are going through. Nowhere else will you find a more sympathetic ear.

Resources

Al-Anon & Alateen Phone (888) 425-2666
al-anon.alateen.org
www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/california.html

CODA Phone (602) 277-7991
http://www.codependents.org

Adult Children of Alcoholics Phone (310) 534-1815
http://www.adultchildren.org

Families in Recovery Bibliography

Alcoholism and the Family
Gilda Berger; Franklin Watts; Dec. 1993

Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time
Melody Beattie; Hazeldon Info. Edu. July 1996

Chemical Dependency: A Family Affair
Oliva Curtio; Brooks Cole Pub. Co; June 1999

Co-Dependency: Issues in Treatment and Recovery
Bruce Carruth; Haworth; July 1989

Codependents’ Guide to the 12 Steps
Melody Beattie; Simon and Schuster; March 1993

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie; Walker & Co.; December 1989

Concerned Intervention: When Your Loved One Won’t Quit Alcohol or Drugs
Mary Price Lee, Richard S. Lee; Hazeldon Info. Ed.; April 1999

Drugs and Codependency
Mary Price Lee, Richard S. Lee; Hazeldon Info. Ed.; April 1999

Good News for the Chemically Dependent and Those Who Love Them
Jeff Vanvonderen; Bethany House; March 1995

Love, Hope and Recovery: Healing the Pain of Addiction
Joann E. Breeden; Blue Dolpin Pub.; December 1993

The Alcoholic Family in Recovery: A Developmental Model
Stephanie Brown, Virginia Lewis; Guilford Press; Jan. 1999

The Family Therapy of Drug Abuse and Addiction
M. Duncan Stanton, Thomas C. Todd; Guilford Press; March 1999

We Can Help

Our professional and caring staff understands the dysfunction alcohol and drug addiction has caused in the family member’s life. We have an effective treatment program for the addict and help for the family!

At New Bridge Foundation, we know that if you have been close to someone who is addicted, you have been affected. That’s why we offer a Family Program component to our services. Our focus will not be on how to make someone else stop drinking or using, but rather, on how the whole family can recover – - what each person needs to do to start on her or his own path of recovery. The best support for the person you care about is to make sure you are healthy. For the family members, that means learning about chemical dependency and how it has affected you, then beginning to change the destructive patterns to healthier behaviors.

Come to our Family Support Group.

The group’s purpose is to:

• Provide information and education about chemical dependency and recovery
• Provide support for the people most affected by an addiction
• Facilitate more honest and open communication between clients and family members

Attend Al-Anon Family Groups or Nar-Anon or CODA (Codependents Anonymous). These 12 Step groups are specifically for people who are dealing with a chemically dependent person. These meetings will, over time, teach you many important ideas about the disease of chemical dependence and about family recovery. They can also be a strong source of emotional support for you. It is difficult to make the decision to participate in 12 Step groups, but it is more than worth the effort.

Read Recovery Literature to improve your understanding of chemical dependency problems and recovery. There are many excellent pamphlets and books that will aid your recovery.

Family members of addicts are often viewed as codependents. “Co” from Webster’s dictionary means “together, with, or joint.” Dependent is defined as “influenced, controlled, or determined by something else. (the addiction)” A codependent is someone whose life is intertwined with the addicted person. Unknowingly their attitudes and actions enable the addict to continue their behavior. By enabling the addict, a dysfunctional pattern of interaction within the family contributes to the dysfunction in one’s own life.

Codependents often feel that if they can only control the disease, everything will turn out OK. Codependents usually start off trying to help the addict by giving support and trying to reward the desired behaviors. When encouragement and reward do not work, the codependent changes strategies and delivers subtle threats. These threats quickly escalate, culminating in the ultimate threat of all, leaving the relationship. This threat is usually withdrawn, leaving the codependent feeling helpless and guilty. The investment in controlling the disease is so great because they not only want to save their loved one but also their self esteem is at risk.

If there is someone in your life that is having problems with drugs or alcohol remember that you didn’t cause the addiction, nor can you cure it, but you can contribute to the recovery of a loved one. You cannot change their behavior, only your own. Below are some tips.

• Don’t regard Alcoholism/Chemical Dependency as a family DISGRACE.
  Recovery from this disease can and does happen.
• Don’t nag, preach, or lecture.
  Chances are they have already told themselves everything you can tell them. They will take just so much and shut out the rest. You may only increase their need to lie or force them to make promises they cannot possibly keep.
• Guard against the “holier than thou” or martyr-like attitudes.
  It is possible to create this impression without saying a word. Begin to look at your own attitudes and behaviors.
• Don’t use the “if you loved me” appeal.
  Since the drinking/using is compulsive and cannot be controlled by willpower, this approach cannot work. It’s like saying, “If you loved me, you would not have sugar Diabetes.”
• Don’t do for the alcoholic/chemically dependent persons what they can do for themselves… or that which must be done by themselves.
  You cannot take their medicine for them. Don’t remove the problem before they can face it, solve it, or suffer the consequences.
• Begin to understand and live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
• Begin to learn the facts about this disease and the role that you have in it.
• Be willing to assume responsibility for your own life completely and abandon any attempt to change him/her – even for their own good.
  Stop trying to manage their lives and begin to manage your own.
• Begin to learn the 12 Steps as taught by Al-Anon and apply them to your life on a daily basis as a recovery program.
  Start with Step 1, admitting powerlessness over another person and recognizing unmanageability in your own life.
• Be willing to recognize that your former methods have not worked.
• Hold On.
  Change is never easy. The addict will probably accuse you of abandoning them, put guilt trips on you, or even threaten you. You must realize that this is because the addict does not want the current situation to change, no matter what they say. They need your help to continue the way they have been living, and losing you means they may have to face up to their problems they have been avoiding with their substance of choice. You are not responsible for them, their choices, or their actions, only your own.
• Take care of yourself.
  Remember that you choose how to live your life, and you make choices of how you react to what happens to you. It’s not your fault that someone else has an addiction. But you don‘t have to allow that person to negative impact your life because of their actions.